If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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