Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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