I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
