I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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