turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
