shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
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