The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
