Jerry, you need to find god
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
