Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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