dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
