i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
