i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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