Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
