So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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