hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Randomize
