I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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