peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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