ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
