Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
