Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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