Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
