that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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