Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
