Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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