Hey man sorry I got all grabby
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
