hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
