someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Randomize
