the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i came on her dog
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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