sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
