a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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