Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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