In the future we'll all be gay
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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