I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
