now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
