Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
