i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
