I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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