sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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