hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I want to be your penis for a week.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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