Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
