Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I need a beard to bite.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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