If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
There's always time for handjobs
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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