I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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