...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
