nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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