Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
