I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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