He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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