At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
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