You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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