that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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